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I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.