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I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly