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I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
Some people just need to be clothes lined
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.