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Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
I wish common sense was more common.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.