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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
2 words, 1 finger.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."