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I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.