Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.