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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea Iām not the teacher.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.