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According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
condoms prevent minivans
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.