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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.