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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
about love
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.