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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.