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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
My IQ? ... With google or without?