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A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.