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Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.