Daily Silly Status

You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.

Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.

We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.

Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?

Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.

Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.

I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver

There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”

You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.

Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.

If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?

Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.

If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."

Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....

NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.