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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.