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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........