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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Trust me, I am a liar.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.