Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)