Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
Your personality needs alcohol.
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!