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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.