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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
You are here: X
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.