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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
Relationship Status: eating
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.