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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.