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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you