Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.