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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.