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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!