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If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
Serving size ?? LMAO
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers