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Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...