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I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
This century is already 15% over.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone