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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
I drink coffee for your protection.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".