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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…