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Partying on my level requires years of training.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Ever wonder why divorces are expensive? Because they are worth it!
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.