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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.