Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!