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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
The problem with diets is pizza.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.