Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!