Daily Silly Status

If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?

Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.

I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.

Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.

In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.

That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive

A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.

H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.

I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.

I enjoy short walks to the fridge

I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.

I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)

My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?

I play hard to get along with.