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Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
A leaf blower, but for people.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.