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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"