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Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge