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I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.