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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.