Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?