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I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
What if the weather talks about us?
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.