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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!