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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
How long does it take to get obsessed?