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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.