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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"