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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.