Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.