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One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.