Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".