Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
I’m tired of things costing money.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.