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To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.