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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?