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The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
I flunked anger management class.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.