Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...