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Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.