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Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.