Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
AWESOME!