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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.