Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.