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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.