Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
Iām late for a disappointment.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
I just had DĆ©jĆ vu...and you were an asshole both times.