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Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.