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Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.