Daily Silly Status

My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...

I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.

It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes

I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck

People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.

Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”

So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?

When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.

I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .

First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.

I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.

As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...

You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.

I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.

I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2