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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.