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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted