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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?