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Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.