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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
Today`s subliminal thought is: …
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.