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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.