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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?