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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.