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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision Iβve ever made.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
If I say βitβs a great day to be alive,β itβs because those are literally my only plans.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktailβ¦
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit Iβll put up with before I catch on.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
How big does a cupcake have to be before itβs just a cake?
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
Wouldnβt it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?