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I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.