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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
This day needs more yesterday.