Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.