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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.