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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"