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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.