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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.