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Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
facebooked yo mama!!!
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...