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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time