Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
This day needs more yesterday.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.