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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!