Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.