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Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.