Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.