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If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
Remember when the world ended last year?
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?