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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
Please do not read this.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
It`s no fun if you have permission.