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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Gun Control: Use both hands
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical