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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat