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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?