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Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.