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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.