Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone`s food pics and posting the calories.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?